Building Blocks for a healthy family life

By Apostle Carel & Hilana Marais – Sunday evenings Harvester Pretoria

Session One:

 

Right Beginnings: (A Biblical Foundation for Accurate Family Life)

 

I. Introduction:

God is seeking Godly Families: (Ref Malachi 2:15) … He seeks godly offspring. The plan is simple enough. God has made us in His image (Ref Genesis 1:26-31) and expects us to continue with the process of life, passing on His values to the next generation, worshiping Him with our gifts and talents, enjoying and looking after the beautiful earth He created.

 

Pro 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.[ Point your kids in the right direction – when they're old they won't be lost.]

 

Now the reality of sin causes us to miss this mark set out by God from the beginning. The rest of the Genesis account explains how man follows after his own desires and loses intimacy with God. But the good news is preached by Apostle Paul in (Ref 1Corinhians 15:45-49) v 48 “And as we have borne the image of the man of dust, we shall also bear the image of the heavenly Man.”

 

What a glorious promise that as we are all made in the image of Adam, we will also bear the image of the New Adam, Jesus Christ, Who did not miss the mark, but became a life giving spirit! So it is that we are made in His image, we just have to rediscover this image through getting to know Christ through the Word.

 

Look how God speaks about His friend, Abraham and consider whether your family will have the same testimony:

Gen 18:18-19 And Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the persons of the earth shall be blessed in him? For I know him, that he will command his sons and his house after him, and they shall keep the way of Jehovah, to do justice and judgement, that Jehovah may bring upon Abraham that which He has spoken of him.

 

This is an essential responsibility of each Priest in the home: to command his children and his household after him, that they keep the way of the LORD. This means that parents should be well versed in God’s ways that they should be sure about God’s principles regarding the different aspects of life.

 

The two related evils today that threaten successful parenting and lead to the demise of the family are:

A: Not understanding the importance of the husband/wife relationship in the the parenting process.

B: Child-centered parenting.

 

A: Husband/wife relationship

The greatest overall influence that you're going to have in parenting will not come while you are in your role as a mother and father, but rather while you are in your role as a husband and wife.

Two central questions need to be asked in this section of the notes:

1. Why did God create the woman?

2. Why did God establish marriage?

 

Genesis 2:18: It is not good for man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable

 It is not good to be Alone: Not good to be alone refers to the absence of another like Adam with a view toward completing the total person. What God is talking about is the concept of intimacy. I will make him a helper:

Genesis 2:19-20 And out of the ground Jehovah God formed every animal of the field and every fowl of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. And Adam gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the air, and to every animal of the field. But there was not found a suitable helper for Adam.

Gen 2:21-22 And so Jehovah God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept. And He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh underneath. And Jehovah God made the rib (which He had taken from the man) into a woman. And He brought her to the man.

Please note that God did not create nor did He recreate a human being, but rather He took from Adam's side a portion of his being and fashioned that portion into a woman. The Act of bringing the woman to Adam was more than just creation of another species; it was the establishment of a social relationship called marriage.

The crown of creation was the union of man and the woman. Also called the one flesh relationship.

1. This was affirmed by God again in Gen 2:22 and

2. This was declared by Moses in Gen 2:24

3. This was reconfirmed by Jesus in Mark 10:7-8 and

4. The Apostle Paul followed up on this in Ephesians 5:31

 

So why did God create the woman?

Because man was alone and needed someone to be his completer; to be one with himself; so be the helper – spiritually; emotionally; physically; socially.

Why did God create marriage?

Because through marriage, partners may experience intimacy on all levels and become life-giving; that is through the experience of one another give the same to others.

The wonderful thing about a man and a woman coming together in marriage is that God has made woman comparable to man and that if a man is secure enough, he can receive his wife as a helper. The problem is that most men don’t like receiving help. But a renewed mind is necessary for a man to access this source of Divine help! On the other hand, some women constantly emphasize the shortcomings of a husband and stress their need for help and end up sabotaging the whole process!

There is need for mutual submission in every marriage. Husbands can learn to acknowledge the strengths of their wives without feeling intimidated. Wives can submit in the areas of the husband’s strengths without losing self worth and offering assistance where the husband is weak.

So we see the establishment of marriage as a covenant relationship. Marriage is a covenant before God, in fact there are only two covenants in New Testament thinking, between you and God through His Son Jesus Christ, and between a husband and wife. Jesus therefore encourages us not to swear by anything, but to let our “yes” be our “yes” and our “no” be our “no”. When we have communion we consider the blood of the New Covenant. But let’s also remember the covenant of marriage with more regularity. 

Malachi 2:14-16Yet she is your companion, and your wife by covenant. But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce, For it covers one's garment with violence,' Says the LORD of hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.

The effect of divorce on society is like the Scriptures say: it covers one’s garments with violence and the children suffer to the extent  that they lose sight of the Divine pattern of marriage and its benefits.

Becoming “one flesh” is the mystery of marriage. The two becoming one is the Divine expression of unity and should be considered with
respect. That’s why sex outside of marriage is sin, because that union is broken and is out of context of God’s plan of Godly family!

Mike Wood explains that the intimacy of marriage is holy unto God and that the Devil has taken something beautiful and made it a problem. The Devil is a liar! That’s why movies spew out the filth of the father of lies from generation to generation, showing people how to sin and mess up the union of marriage. You won’t easily find a movie without some sexual offence outside the context of marriage, the devil has come to steal, kill and destroy. But don’t let him! Stand up against the onslaught of wickedness in the media and teach your family God’s principles.

Go for deliverance from the lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh and pride of life and decide to control what you watch as a family. Fast and pray about issues in your life and raise a standard of holiness in your household. Fit into a church somewhere that worships God in Spirit and in Truth, a church that actually believes the Bible is true and that God’s power is available to change families in Jesus’ mighty name.

When people grow apart and have differences, the key is to grow toward God, and in finding common ground in God’s Word, the husband and wife actually find each other. Both parties have to bow to God and accept His Word as the Truth, and then as they move into a closer relationship with God, their disputes are judged by God not by the stronger person or opinion. This avoids the common mistake couples make when trying to ascertain “Who is Right?” “Let’s both repent and bow to God’s way and find each other in Christ!”

Interesting to see is that there is no mention of children up to know. There is no children  included in the garden. The woman completes the man and the man completes the woman. Children do not make the family; children only expand the family.

1. Principles to live by:

1. Principle One: By God's design, the husband-wife relationship is the first or primary social relationship established in Scripture.

2. Principle Two: By God's design, the husband-wife relationship is the first in a system of dependant relationships. In other words you will never be a better dad, that a husband. All other relationships in the family is dependant upon the husband-wife relationship.

3. Principle Three: The husband-wife relationship must be viewed as the priority relationship in the family.

4. Principle Four: Since it is the priority relationship, all other relationships function subject to that of the husband-wife relationship. Children need to know that daddy and mummy love each other. 

 

B: Child-centerd Parenting

What child-centered parenting does is to attack the husband-wife relationship by reducing its biblical significance.

Child-centered parenting also fosters a family independence, not family interdependence:

1. Child-centered parenting too often produce a me-ism attitude. Healthy families produce children with a we-ism attitude.

2. Child-centered parenting creates insecurity. The three basic emotional needs of early childhood are:

   1. A Child has to know that he is loved by Mom and Dad

   2. Every child has a need to know where he fits into Mom and Dad's world

   3. A Child has a need to know that Mummy and Daddy love each other.

   Again a key principle: One of the greatest gifts parents can give their children is the confidence that Mom and Dad love each other.

WARNING: A husband needs to know when to take his wife out of her role as a mother and get her back to her role as a wife. This is not done to
demonstrate his authority but because he loves his wife and children.

When there is harmony in the husband-wife relationship, there is an infused stability within the family. A strong marriage provides a haven of security for children as they grow in the nurturing process.

Priority relationships are not arbitrary. They are not dictated by circumstances or social fads. If you desire to achieve excellence in parenting, you must protect your marriage. As we maintain our priority relationship as a couple, we are simultaneously hedging against child-centered parenting.

From the very beginning children are to be welcome members of your family but not the center of it.