This is my story, read how through my life I have learnt to connect with God. Learn how through making seeking Him the most important thing in my life, I have become aware of His presence. In His Presence.
By Anton de Gruchy

Freedom is the cry of this generation
Freedom of speech the protester cries!
You are free to choose the ads shout out
Break free, set your spirit free, the
Songs declare

Don't be restricted, if you want it now
Buy it now, pay later.
Be a rebel, it's your life
Don't let others tell you what to do!

Think like me, talk like me,
conform to my image
Wear what I say, do what I tell you
conform to my image
Act like me, says the world for I control you.

Have we created freedom? No!
A world of contradictions and confusion
Expressing our freedom, bringing conformity
Trapped in a system we created!

Downward we spiral searching;
Light up, it will help
The noose grips tighter
Have a drink, relax
The noose grips tighter.
Is there no way out!

Smacked about in game of life
Like a puck, I feel the pain
Pushed this way, pulled way, having no say!
Every one having a go!

I heave I push trying to break free,
Yet there is no strength in me.
I look inside, empty!
Alone, desperately needy

Barabbas set free,
What about me?
I paid the price,
I bought your freedom.

On a clear night,
Born again
Christ became my savior
My Lord my God I cry

The tyranny of apartheid
The struggle for freedom,
The tyranny of religion
The struggle for my freedom!

Is this all that You have to offer,
The knowledge of good and evil,
Yet no power to live it!
Trapped, no off better than the world

Going my own way
Part-time, no-time Christian
It's my life, it' my plans
A call, a tug, a voice – come.

STOPPED, so far, no further
ANTON, I have called you
You are mine, I paid your price
I AM what you are looking for.

The Holy Spirit, what's that
Is it real, how does it work?
I cry for power, I cry JESUS
Tongues, what is going on, Baptized!

I know the pain of the past.
I have planned your future
The government of your life
Is on My shoulders

A voice still and small,
A force strong and firm
A peace, never know
Cries I AM your FREEDOM

My journey with Christ started in about 1978, I got saved during a SU camp in Hout Bay. The leaders did a play about Barabbas and how Jesus took his place. They explain the gospel as Jesus taking our place at the cross.

Salvation

So that night in a clearing in the trees on a clear night I gave my heart to Jesus at the age of 11. So my journey began. Yet I grew up as a preacher's kid. My church, a traditional church, did not make much of an impression on me. Life was to be lived and that is what I did.
One of my achievements at that stage was to ride in the second Argus cycle tour. Coming 977 in 5:46, if I remember correctly there where only 3 000 riders that year. Cycling was where I would spend most of my time in the coming years, eventually riding 6 tours, with a best time of 3:22.

The Struggle

The eighties saw the height of the struggle and my church was in the middle of it. People like Boesak, Tutu, and other names of the struggle would preach. Yet it found no place in my heart. The church became a useful organization for the anti-apartheid activist. I could see the link between what the bible declared as wrong and what the government was doing. They operated from a critical spirit. They would criticize the government for doing what it was doing, using the bible to give them credibility. And they would criticize the congregation for not doing something about it. I could see the need to do something about it. Yet I was never sure that this was the correct way to go about it. Surly the there was more to the gospel than that. I saw people go after the struggle as the main purpose in life, and use the church. The reason they where in the church was it gave them a covering and a place to share and plan and a platform to 'preach' from.

Rhetoric and games

At that time my brother was editor of the student union magazine on campus. He used to take great pleasure in seeing if he could get his publications banned, such was then mentality at the time. There where the regular reports of run-ins with the riot police at UCT and UWC, stories of atrocities and struggles. During the early hours of the morning his then wife, was taken into police custody for 3 weeks. Yet during all of this I was really on the outside of it all. I was searching for something else, something with a reality to it. Something more than rhetoric and games, as I looked around me those that shouted at the government for there wrongs, did they measure up to the gospel? Did they even bother?

Anti-violence protests modeled on Martin Luther King, Gandhi where called for by the church. Yet underneath there was a support and a lending hand to MK the armed wing of the ANC. This double standard drove me away from there cause. Even to a stage where I did not want to be part of the church.

Army and Marriage.

So my army call came, I deferred to go to Cape Tech and studied electronics. Got a job and started my working career in 1987. The army call came again. Before this a man Peter Moll had fought through solitary confinement and many interrogations of the police to win the right for alternate service for pacifists. My brother followed in this and after finishing his studies in theology at UCT and Union in New York got a post at Groote Schuur. I figured that was cool, who wants to be pushed around by the army anyway, who want to fight in a war that is not yours. So with a copy and paste and some nice sounding words, I go declared as a pacifist. And in 1989 started work at Groote Schuur myself.

This saw me meeting Esther, which is a long story that I will not go into. With that came God's gentle tugging. After a very intense romance we got married in 1990. The interesting thing about our wedding is that the church had 2 aisles, like the school hall. We came down the aisle together, so we where half way to an Apostolic wedding. Those who know use will not be surprise to hear, the wedding was at 9:00 and by 12:00 we where on our way on honeymoon.

Taize

During this time 'Taize 'services where the in thing. Taize is a monastery in France that has attracted a wide group of people in search of some spirituality. The service is very relaxed with every one sitting on the floor. Then there are lots of candles to give light and the lights are turned down or off. The service is conducted with gentle music readings and reflections, interspaced with songs and chants. It was a breath of fresh air, compared to the normal services. It was some spirituality in the middle of an earthly bound religion.

During these services I started to hear a call from God. I used to tell Est, but she thought I was crazy. I kept myself busy by leading the youth. Time moved on and I came to the end of my alternate service, still searching for something more. In 1991 we moved from Observatory to Thornton yet continued at the Rondebosh church. We where still running the youth at that time, we went on a training day. I can rememb